Welcome to the Boy's Club
by GhostlyMayhem
Summary: Tired of being the only boy around, Spike starts an "All boys" club with Discord, Shining Armor and Big Macintosh. Let the arguing begin! One-shot, part of my story trade with Berry's Ambitions. Implied Discord/Celestia, Shining Armor/Cadance, and Fluttershy/Big Mac. Rated T for sexual references.


**...**

**Welcome to the Boy's Club**

**...**

"Just FYI, I'm only here because you're the only dudes in town that aren't actually that bad to be around," Discord announced plainly, holding up a glass of chocolate milk as though he were giving a toast. "And no, that isn't really a compliment... That just means you guys don't suck as bad as the other guys here... Cause, you know, you guys still suck regardless..." He began to chug his chocolate milk down, slamming down an empty glass moments later.

The white unicorn and the small purple dragon stared at him with bored expressions, while the red earth simply bit his lip, keeping his head lowered and gaze glued to the table.

"...Okay..." Spike began slowly. "Well, because this group was MY idea, I guess-"

"I nominate myself as total ruler, president, king, and GOD of this crappy club!" Discord shouted out. He snapped his fingers, and a large golden crown encrusted with colorful jewels appeared on his head. He smiled triumphantly. "See? I'm the king, so bow to me, peasants! Give me sacrifices and bring me SNACKS!" He glanced over at Shining Armor, waving him off with his lion paw. "And you can be the Secretary of Defense or whatever it's called, because... you know... You guarded Celestia's flank like it ain't no pony's business."

"Don't expect the same from me," the unicorn retorted. "I wouldn't guard you even if you paid me!"

"I'm the ruler!" Discord argued, "I don't have to pay you anything!"

"Guuuuuuys," Spike groaned, irritated with the draconequus' gloating behavior. "We don't have time to argue! Shining Armor is only here for a short time visiting Twilight, and-"

"Who cares about him?" Discord rolled his eyes. "He's a jobber!"

"What the heck is a jobber?" Shining Armor demanded.

"Someone who is not worthy of the king!" Discord replied, sticking out his tongue at the unicorn. "Which would be ME!"

"You WERE king once, and look how THAT turned out," Shining Armor retorted, smirking when Discord's face fell at the comment.

Discord grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. "Shut up," he mumbled. "You're lucky I don't cut out your tongue for defying your master and savior..." He paused. "On second thought, keep your nasty tongue. I don't even want to know what you've done to that pretty little wife of yours with that tongue..." He gagged at the thought.

He should have been more offended, but instead, a mad blush appeared on Shining Armor's cheeks. "Shut up!" he snapped.

Discord opened one eye, glancing down at the little dragon sitting beside him. "And you can be the court jester."

"Hey!" Spike glared up at the draconequus, noticeably offended. "I'm the one who came up with this group, so I should be king of the group!"

"Once you grow taller than three feet THEN I might consider it," Discord said with a yawn. "But we ALL know that'll never happen..."

Big Macintosh said nothing as the arguing went on, instead watching with a sheepish gaze.

"And don't give me that smug grin, you horny jobber!" Discord yelled at Shining Armor, who simply stared at the draconequus, dumbfounded.

"...How am I horny?!"

"Because you have a pointy horn and you're probably a slut in bed!" Discord giggled gleefully at his lame joke, laughing as Shining Armor placed his hooves over Spike's ears.

"First of all, there's a kid in the room," the unicorn stated, "..and second, I have a horn because I'm a unicorn, genius! Thanks for the lame joke that ended up making you look stupid! And who are you to talk? You have TWO horns!"

"Double the horns means I'm better in bed than you will ever be," Discord said dismissively, ignoring the insult.

"I don't think Princess Celestia would agree," Shining Armor shot back with a smirk.

Discord's ears lowered, his cheeks warming red with a blush. He went quiet after that.

"Okay," Spike began once the room was finally silent. "To begin, I guess we should come up with a flag to represent our group-"

"-Our flag symbol should be the flank of some lady," Discord stated loudly. "And I nominate Celestia's flank to be the symbol of our group."

Shining Armor stared at him with wide eyes. Having been the head of the royal guard, he found any inappropriate comment made about either of the two Princesses to be unbearable. "...No... That... That's just awful and wrong."

"She didn't think so last night," Discord said smugly, cracking his fingers and leaning back in his chair.

"You're unbelievable!" The unicorn shouted with dismay. "If I had known you would be invited, I never would have come to begin with!"

"You're not thinking of leaving, are you?" Spike asked worriedly. "If you leave, there'll only be three guys here, and that would be the same amount as the Cutie Mark Crusaders!"

"What, so you're trying to beat them by adding one more unnecessary guy to the group?" Discord asked plainly.

"I thought it would make the group cooler..." Spike lowered his head in shame and embarrassment.

"It is a cool group, Spike," Shining Armor reassured the little dragon, giving him a small smile. He turned back toward Discord, his smile turning sour. "Except that we have a jerk in our midst."

"You're one to talk, jobber," the draconequus retorted, glaring back at the unicorn. "This group would crumble without me!"

"Oh, I beg to differ..."

"What's that, jobber?"

"I still don't even know what that means!"

"Jobber, jobber, jobber, I punch you in the face! Jobber, jobber, jobber, I'll kick your flank all day!"

"Okay, now you're just being immature..."

"I bet you stick your horn inside your wife where the sun don't shine!"

"You probably do that to yourself considering you have two horns!"

"Uh, guys...?" Spike spoke up, hoping to stop the growing tension in the room.

"Which would make sense considering the fact that you look like a science experiment gone wrong!"

"Well, you look like a royal flankhole! How are you and Sparkle Butt even related?!"

"Fluttershy should wash that mouth of yours with soap!"

"You wouldn't _dare_ tell her..."

"Oh, I _will..."_

"You better not, fatflank!"

"Jerk!"

"Jobber!"

"Moron!"

"Double jobber!"

"Loser!"

"TRIPLE JOBBER-"

_**"BE QUIET!"**_

Spike, Shining Armor and Discord turned toward Big Macintosh, who was, for possibly the first time ever, seething with rage.

"We shouldn't be arguing like this!" He turned toward the stunned unicorn and draconequus. "You two should be ashamed with yourself! Especially you, Discord! Don't think I won't tell Fluttershy what you've been saying today, because I will." He got up and began to head toward the exit of the make-shift clubhouse, but not without pausing in his movements to say one last thing. "Oh, and by the way Discord, I bet you place _your_ horns inside Princess Celestia where the sun don't shine." With those last words, the red pony turned and walked out of the clubhouse.

A stunned silence followed. The three remaining males stared at the door with wide eyes and opened jaws. It took quite a few minutes before Discord finally broke the silence, just as shocked as the other two were. "You know, I complete forgot he was even here... I didn't even think he could talk." He paused. "I'm glad he's not a unicorn, cause I certainly wouldn't want him to stick his horn inside poor Fluttershy." He shivered at the thought, while Spike and Shining Armor simply sighed with equal annoyance at the spirit of chaos.

* * *

**A/N: I guess Discord's last words imply some FlutterMac, considering that's my second favorite pairing on the show. :D**

**So yeah, this is part of my story trade with my best friend Berry's Ambitions! :) Basically she wanted a one-shot where Spike starts an all-guys club with Shining Armor, Discord and Big Mac. This I guess takes place after "Keep Calm and Flutter On" because of the fact that Discord is here... And you know... XD I don't I need to explain how obvious it is he's reformed now, but I made him a jerk in this for comedy's sake. XD**

**Poor Spike, he just wanted to be with the guys for once. It didn't work out. XD**

**Btw, the word "jobber" is an outcome of me watching too many "Two Best Friends Play" videos on YouTube. XD**

**Anyway, please review if you liked this! :)**


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